Wait Your Turn!

This is a topic I’ve thought about off and on over the last few years, but more so after the recent release and apparent success of Kickstarter darling, Divinity: Original Sin. Now, I haven’t played it yet and very much would like to, I just can’t decide if I should dive in now or hold out for a potential console release. But this isn’t really about only one game.

In reading the overwhelmingly positive reviews and watching gameplay videos, the turn-based combat is frequently referred to as “old-school” and “nostalgic” which I suppose is true since the bulk of video game RPGs in the early days of the medium were all turn-based. Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, Breath of Fire, Phantasy Star and more all started with turn-based combat in the ‘80s and ‘90s, but when a new role-playing game forgoes a real-time system if favor of this strategic approach, does it have to be labeled “retro”? I guess so since these terms imply a hearkening back to things that used to be but are no longer, or considerably less common… and that’s a shame.

Necessity or Design?

Typically the “retro” elements of modern game design imitate aspects that were, in their time, much more limited due to the technical constraints of more primitive hardware and software. As technology advanced, video game development continued pushing the bounds of graphic and sound capabilities. Large pixels became smaller and smaller, 2D graphics became 3D graphics and chiptune music became actual orchestral scores as the industry chased after the fidelity achieved through film with near uniformity. New games that use pixelated graphic styles and 8 or 16-bit sound design are clear homages to gaming’s past, attempting to capture the magic many of us felt while playing the classic games of the medium’s infancy.

Was turn-based combat in early RPG games used primarily because of technical limitations? I could be way off base, but I don’t think that is why. And I suppose it’s likely that I’m wrong about that, as evidenced by the fact as the tech improves and our gaming machines become more and more powerful across the board it seems that we see fewer and fewer role-playing games implementing it. Or maybe I’m right, but enough of the industry and fan base has become so focused on the enjoyment of fast-paced action games that the impression of turn-based combat design being irrelevant was born and flourished in response. Perhaps it’s a combination.

So what does this have to do with the above-mentioned recent release? While checking out the reviews for “Divinity: Original Sin” there was one reader comment that really stuck out to me. The individual asked, “Why is it turn-based?”

Why Not?

Here is my take on the situation. My first role-playing game experience was Dragon Warrior on the NES, long before the franchise moniker was unified across the globe. It was the first game to really open my eyes to the vast complexity that video games had the potential for and would one day achieve. It was also the game that would solidify the RPG as my genre of preference. I never really had the opportunity to get into actual table-top RPGs, although I always wanted to. The lack of a reliable group of friends with similar interests didn’t stop me from educating myself about them, however. And my curiosity led me to believe that series like Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy were trying to emulate the experience of the paper and dice affair, albeit without the multiple players and DM who improvises the story to keep up with player choice, which were technical limitations. Through those games I could enjoy a version of that despite not having the right group of like-minded friends or available time.

Taking turns is integral to nearly every table-top game, including RPGs which are hardly “old-school”. Role-playing games are today, more popular and more accepted than they’ve ever been (much like video games). It should not be seen as a limitation or a drawback, but an option. If you don’t enjoy playing games with a  turn-based component, it doesn’t mean those are not good games. Guess what? Those games are not for you. The best part of gaming in an age with so much variety is that there are plenty of games that are for you, but not all of them will be and that’s just fine. Not everything should appeal to everyone or else it all becomes homogenized and innovation takes a back seat.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

I’m not saying all role-playing games should be turn-based. In fact, I believe great games like Skyrim or From Software’s acclaimed Souls games would be absolutely ruined by changing the play style. It all comes down to personal choice, obviously. For me, the preference for turn-based combat is specific to games involving a party of multiple characters. I have tried to play several popular RPGs that used a real-time combat system while directing a party, and even the few that I did enjoy would have been a lot more fun for me had they been turn-based. Single character games like Demon’s Souls or Diablo III work very well with a real-time system. I’m currently (and slowly) working my way through Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (yeah, it’s an old game, I’ve got an extensive backlog) and I’m having a great time… until given a quest that saddles me with an AI party member that I can’t stop from acting stupid and reckless, not my cup of tea.

Games like Dragon Age: Origins that use a flexible system attempting to cater to fans of both styles are noble efforts, providing a great RPG experience to a wider range of gamer. Although I might have liked it a little bit more with a  purely turn-based scheme I was still able to play through it my way and enjoy the same game as those who preferred the real-time option. Hopefully we’ll see more games like this that are inclusive of different tastes while compromising little or none of how we like to play.

Why Is It Turn-Based?

When I read that comment posted about the review of Divinity: Original Sin I couldn’t help but hear it come across in my mind as an entitled whine, which isn’t fair but will probably still color my response to the question. It’s turn-based because when Larian Studios LLC said, “This is the game we want to make” they received well over their goal amount, and surpassed most of their stretch goals from interested backers. It’s turn-based because of the many people who’ve purchased it since it’s release, who made it the company’s fasted selling game ever. It’s turn-based because it appeals to the population of gamers who want what it offers.

Why shouldn’t it be turn-based? Because having the freedom to stop and take your time deciding between throwing a lightning bolt or a fireball at a giant troll is unrealistic? Because the pacing of the combat within a video game  that takes place in a fantastical world strays too far from the possible? Because that means it is no longer right up your alley? How about we celebrate that there is much more game variety than ever before? Whether you are into shooters, racing, sports, platformers, role-playing, puzzles, strategy or any of the other genres or sub-genres, you have plenty of options. There are numerous games available now and in development that will appeal to you, they don’t all have to appeal to you. They shouldn’t all appeal to you because we are all unique and there should be something for everyone. Welcome the diversity! Embrace the diversity!

(…deep breath…)

Sorry folks, that kind of took a turn I didn’t expect. I’m not usually this grumpy when talking about video games but I’m feeling frustrated recently and unfortunately I’m taking it out on some poor soul who made a mostly harmless comment. There’s just been too much negativity surrounding the medium as of late and it needs to stop. If you’ve been following the industry news you know what I’m talking about. Games are supposed to be fun, and they can’t be fun if not all of us are able to enjoy them and feel included. And some of “us” are behaving in a manner that ranges from unacceptable to downright abhorrent (quotations, because I certainly don’t want to be considered part of the same group despite a common hobby). Enjoying video games doesn’t mean you stop being a decent human being. Knock it off! Where was I….?

So, Divinity: Original Sin certainly looks to me to be the closest approximation in video game form of the experience of sitting around a table with a group of friends, debating how to proceed through an imaginary world full of options while wielding a handful of dice. It also gives me hope that the turn-based role-playing game will stick around. I look forward to seeing more in the future, it can only get better.

And if you don’t like turn-based games, that’s great! You just enjoy your games the way you want to, and I’ll do the same and we’ll all have a wonderful time! Simple, yeah?

Play nice, everyone!

Catching Up… Again…

Welcome back, cave dwellers! I’m still around I’ve just been busy, but it’s time to get back to posting. I know that because I’ve recently spent too many nights lying awake at night, unable to sleep, while my mind races along with a topic I can’t let go. Might as well get it out on paper… so to speak. My hope is that writing about the subjects I’m discussing internally with myself in the middle of the night will help me get some much needed rest as well satisfy my desire to… well, write.

Before we get into all of those, I thought I would take a some time to talk about what’s been going on with me in the nearly two years since my last post. I’ve been working hard on multiple projects, including about 4 months spent in New Zealand. All is well at the house although I don’t spend enough time there, but we do have a wonderful new addition to the family. I’ve made some new friends, tried some fun new hobbies and attended my first geek-centric cons. And of course I’ve been playing video games when I can. It’s been a lot of fun!

Traveling Abroad

I had the opportunity to go to New Zealand to work on a project stabilizing ground damaged by recent earthquakes at the Lyttelton Port of Christchurch. It was particularly exciting as I had never been outside of the United States before. Ignoring the fact that my luggage was lost during the initial trip, it was a fine time. Meeting new people and getting to know new places has always been one of my favorite parts of being a traveling construction worker, but this was a whole new ball game.

The most challenging aspect of my time there by far was just learning how to get around. Even my ride from the airport was both exciting and stressful, watching an unfamiliar world pass by on the wrong side of the street while my brain couldn’t get over the fact that my seat was supposed to have a steering wheel but didn’t. Being on the left side of the road was only the beginning. My company had rented a couple of work trucks to use for the project and they were both equipped with manual transmissions. I’ve had plenty of experience driving a stick shift before but with the steering wheel on the other side of the vehicle I had to adjust to shifting with my left hand rather than my right. Doing this while continually reminding myself which lane to turn into was manageable with the proper focus… until I would signal the turn and the windshield wipers started. The turn signal has to be on the other side too? Although I got pretty comfortable driving around by the time I left, I could never quite shake the sensation of being in a giant blind spot. Because my mind and body instinctively look up and to the right to see the rearview mirror, which in this case resulted in me looking out the door window, I mostly used the side mirrors. Even though I wasn’t there long enough to get accustomed to checking the rearview mirror to the left, I was there long enough that my first car ride back in the states was more than a little unnerving. I had planned to bring my wife over for a visit, but the project duration was unfortunately cut short. The unexpected change in plans also meant that I didn’t get to do as much sightseeing as I hoped, with most of my time spent at the jobsite. My sightseeing ended up being little more than commuting to work and shopping for necessities, basically business as usual, only in a place that has summer during the months that I’m used to having winter! I did learn that the really cool Kit-Kat bars are not sold in the US.







I also discovered that Mountain Dew has a very tasty flavor exclusive to the region, Passionfruit Frenzy! My wife was a little frustrated that I was on the other side of the world and most of the pictures I sent were of candy bars and soft drinks. Overall, it was a great experience! I met some interesting people, saw some incredible new sights and got a brief glimpse into the daily life of the Kiwi. I wouldn’t want to live there permanently though, as they appear to put barbeque sauce on everything! Pizza with barbeque sauce instead of tomato? Wrong! The humble BLT, which I content is where the very idea of a sandwich reaches it’s full potential? Exactly as it should be… except for the addition of barbeque sauce. Wrong!

Cons Ahoy!

In September of 2013, Salt Lake City hosted its first Comic Con! When my wife called to inform me of this I was a bit surprised. This is because when we were newlyweds she often expressed a measure of embarrassment to be seen in public with me wearing my Nintendo controller belt buckle and goofy, nerdy t-shirts, so imagine my surprise when she said, “I think we should go!” I feel my best Emperor Palpatine impression was more than justified, “Your journey to the dark side will be complete!”

The organizers had clearly not anticipated the level of enthusiasm there would be and didn’t make use of enough of the expo hall to accommodate all the attendees, however. Getting from place to place was a claustrophobic’s nightmare as the isles resembled Japanese commuter train cars during rush hour. At one point I was full on rubbing bellies with Quailman (it was actually a pretty good costume) while trying to make my way through the teeming mass of nerd flesh. And the unique, aromatic delight resulting from the combination of so many different odors…? Sorry, I almost passed out for a minute. All of that aside, we had a great time! Checking out all of the vendor booths, creative cosplay and celebrity guests was so much fun! While taking a break in the hallway we witnessed a flock of several dozen Deadpools appear out of nowhere, parade through the hallway, and suddenly vanish. My wife got to meet an actor from one of her favorite TV shows (Brian Krause from Charmed) and I got to meet Kevin Murphy! If you don’t know who Kevin Murphy is, shame on you! Stop reading right now, go watch some Mystery Science Theater 3000 (he’s Tom Servo), and then come back. I can say he is truly a class act!
















We also ended up attending the following event in the spring, Salt Lake Comic Con FanXperience, which was billed as a different but similar event targeted at a much broader range of interests. The reality is that it was basically a second Comic Con, which was fine by me. The entire expo hall was opened up for the event allowing for much easier and less stressful navigation. I was even able to connect with a good friend I haven’t seen in about 16 years for a photo op with Nathan Fillion!















This past July marked the first annual FantasyCon, which was originally planned to occur in Las Vegas but ended up in Salt Lake City for reasons I don’t entirely understand. It shared a lot of similarities with Comic Con and FanXperience but trending more to the fantasy genre side of geek fandom. A new friend of mine runs a local animation studio and helped put the event together so we were more than happy to show up in support. His studio (Too Many Legs Animation Studios, Inc.) was sketching willing participants at their booth, mine is included above in the intro. Like the previous events there was a wealth of celebrity guests and cool vendor booths among other fun things to see and do.

 
Wait, What Golf?

Remember that new hobby I mentioned over 1,200 words ago? I started playing disc golf! Technically this began during my time in New Orleans way back when the PlayStation Move was first released. Some of my co-workers and I would play Sports Champions for many hours over the course of several weekends, specifically the “Disc Golf” portion. It was a great multiplayer experience for a few friends to just get together and have fun. At one point someone said, “You know, we can go play actual disc golf.” Of course with the travel for work and usual daily life stuff that tends to happen to us all, it took a few years to finally make that a reality. Now I have my own discs and I meet up with a couple friends to play when I’m in the Bay Area, which has been pretty often as of late. Each weekend we check out a different course. By now we’ve just about exhausted all of the local courses, so we’ll have to start circling back to our favorites and occasionally expand our search a bit further away.

In my humble opinion it is a great, simple and cheap outdoor activity that just about anyone can enjoy. It has a low-cost initial investment. My first 3-pack of discs cost me about $25 and we’ve only played at one course that required any kind of payment, a $2 parking fee. I’m not very good at it but I’m much better than when I started and it’s something I enjoy that keeps me active. It’s just like hiking, but with a  purpose! By the way, don’t describe it that way to someone who likes hiking…

Meet Sir Reginald!

Last but certainly not least, our new family member is this sweet, lovable hairball! Reggie is a Maltese Poodle mix, or Maltipoo (which is a ridiculous word), and he is just wonderful! He was having a hard time with his previous family and we offered to take him in a give him a good home. How could you say no to that face?

 
To those of you who got all the way through this, thanks for sticking around! I really didn’t realize this post would end up so long when I started it. Come back soon and we’ll talk about video games, I promise.

Play nice, everyone!

For Love of the Trophy…. I Mean, Game

Hey there, cave dwellers! Don’t worry, I’m not dead… not yet anyway. It has been a rollercoaster of a year so far, though. With my recent promotion at work and the added responsibilities that accompany it, moving into our new house, my grandmother’s passing and installing a new front lawn, spring and summer just sailed right on by without me. It wasn’t all madness though, I was able to finish off the “God of War: Collection” and “The Sly Collection” and even get a few good books read. I began “Dragon Age Origins: Ultimate Edition” in March and have been making very slow progress since. Now that things have calmed down somewhat, it’s time to recommit myself to more of the things I need to be doing as well as things I want to be doing, writing among them.

In the Beginning…

 

 

 

 

 
My interest in video games began early with my father’s Atari. Long before the advancements in story, cut-scenes, side quests and multiple endings, some of the best times in my childhood were sitting on the couch with dad playing classics like “Breakout” or “Joust”. And the fun just got better when we added an Evil Gray Box to the family (some of you may have called this a “Nintendo”). Our new buddy Mario was really something to see in shiny 8-bit graphics, running and jumping from left to right while the iconic theme music we all know played on. But the real turning point was “Dragon Warrior”. Trying to wrap my little 10-year-old mind around such an epic quest to save the world would forever change me. I was a gamer. 

Through the NES, SNES, Master System, Genesis and Nintendo 64 I was a gamer. Of course, growing up in a large family meant that we weren’t exactly rolling in cartridges. I did rent a lot, but when your genre of choice is the turn-based rpg you don’t finish a lot of games during a standard rental period. 

Then there was a period of about 5-6 years where life… got kind of weird. It wasn’t a coma or prison, or anything like that. Let’s just say, there were no video games. I know… sad, right? But I have to say, if you’re going to check out of the video game world for a few years, the last few PS1 and first few PS2 years are the best ones to miss. Why do I say that? I’m glad you asked. Obviously I missed out on a lot of great stuff, some really killer games. How would I ever catch up? The truth is I’ll never catch up. I’m destined to be buried along with my tremendous backlog, but that’s not the point. So many of the classic games everyone else played when they first came out are being re-released over the last few years, and I imagine the trend will continue for the foreseeable future. Will the wonders of modern technology never cease to amaze? And the best part is that the games that are not simply re-released in their original form are given a nice, sparkly coat of HD, sometimes 3D, as well as…
 
…Trophies!!!

Ok, I know this topic is far from groundbreaking conversation. Anyone who’s spent any time with a gaming magazine, website or podcast has probably heard this attacked and debated from every angle, and those who don’t really play video games couldn’t care less. Need any more incentive? Me either, moving on! 

For the uninitiated, “trophies” (or “achievements” if you’re one of those people… only joking) are little notifications that magically appear on your screen after performing certain tasks or accomplishing specific goals throughout the game. Anything from defeating a boss, completing a level or using a skill “x” number of times are the most common. Each one adds a varied amount of weight or value to your total Trophy Level (or Gamerscore), usually based on the difficulty in earning it. They come in bronze, silver and gold but chief among them is the Platinum Trophy (sorry Xboxers, you’ll have to translate for yourself from here on out) which is typically earned by unlocking all other trophies within the game. This signifies that you’ve done all there is to do, seen all there is to see, found all there is… you get the idea, complete mastery! 

With regards to trophies I think there are generally two types of gamer, the “I just like to play through the game and move on to the next” gamer and the “WHERE ARE THE TROPHIES? I NEED ALL THE TROPHIES!!!” gamer. In my limited experience there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of middle ground between the two, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There are, of course, variations of those gamers. For example, there’s the gamer who values his time way too much to lust after each and every trophy available in his collection, but after finishing a great game and noticing that there are only a few he didn’t get naturally in the course of his playthrough will go ahead and knock those out and nab the platinum as a nod to the developer. On the other side of the spectrum is the gamer who, although 20-something and male, will shamelessly devote hours out of his life to something like “Hannah Montana” for an easy boost to his Trophy Level. There might be something wrong with that…
 
Which One Are You?

Early in the PS3 lifecycle it wasn’t even a question, as Sony was a little late to the party with trophy support for their games. I just played the games I had the way I wanted to play them. By nature I’m something of a completionist, I don’t like to leave games unbeaten. I tend to be thorough and do my best to find all of the hidden secrets and trinkets I can, but mainly I want see how it ends. I’m much more invested in the characters and the story than whether or not I gathered all of the (fill in the blank) scattered throughout the level. I want to know for myself that I finished the adventure, saved the world, etc. and then boot up the next quest. What’s the point of replaying the entire game on a harder difficulty level if I already know where the story goes? Where’s my incentive to keep hunting down all of the arbitrary collectibles once the plot twists have been revealed? Enter the trophy system. 

At first it didn’t really affect the way I chose to enjoy video games. While playing something like “Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune” (great game, epic series, highly recommended!) I might hear that little chime and see the upper right corner flash something like 50% of treasures found! and think, “That’s cool” and carry on. I might even check out the list of trophies in the game out of curiosity and see things like, Kill 10 enemies with a grenade while hanging on a cliff or Beat the game on insanely brutal difficulty level and say, “Yeah… I’m not going to do that. I would like to play a different game sometime this year.” Then I played a little game called “Assassin’s Creed II”. Through the natural course of my playthrough I had earned all but a small handful of the trophies in the game, and the ones I didn’t get were neither extreme or repetitive, or even extremely repetitive. They all simply required trying a few different game mechanics I hadn’t explored and it took no time at all to jump back into the world and earn my very first platinum. It just went downhill from there.

Do Trophies Ruin the Experience?
 
That first platinum trophy, albeit digital and completely intangible, has the potential to spark something inside that’s akin to “gold fever” depending on your natural inclinations. In a competition-saturated medium where bragging rights are the envy, trophies become your currency. Even if you don’t play a lot of competitive-oriented games, the gratification that comes from seeing that trophy pop, knowing that you’ve mastered that title, can be great.  But whether or not the hunt for trophies takes away from the fun of the experience, I think, depends a lot on the individual. If getting as many as you can, as fast as you can is really where the fun lies for you, go crazy! More power to you! If story and character development are more your bag, be warned that serious trophy hunting will often lead to spoilers. Keep in mind, if chasing them down begins to feel like a chore, you might want to reevaluate how much trophies mean to you. 

Exercise some judgment, this is your free time and you should spend it in a way you find rewarding. Slogging through “Demon’s Souls” for multiple playthroughs to get the platinum was at times extremely hard and brutally frustrating, but I loved it in a self-deprecating kind of way. “3D Dot Game Heroes” on the other hand, while a great game and a must for any original “Legend of Zelda” fan, would have probably cost me my sanity. Beating the game once was good enough. 

Above all it’s just a game, and games are supposed to be fun. If you’re not having any fun then you’re no longer playing, you’re working. And if you’re working it had better be paying the bills or you’re just wasting your time. Put it down and play something that is fun, in a way that is fun for you. Game on!!!

“It’s a War Zone Out There!!!”

Welcome back cave dwellers! It’s been a hectic three and a half months since my last post. Between a promotion at work, a new difficult project starting up, my company’s home office relocation, the busy holiday season and Mrs. B and I getting the ball rolling on a new home being built for us, I’ve been fortunate just to have enough time to breathe. This particular post has been a long time coming so without further delay…

The title of today’s post comes from the punch line of one of my favorite stories that a good buddy/co-worker tells, involving another mutual co-worker/buddy. As much as I would love to relay this story to all of you here, both for it’s immense comedic value and relevance to the topic at hand, it doesn’t translate well to type and loses too much of it’s humor if you aren’t familiar with the players.

This One Is for the Ladies

Huddle up ladies and listen close! I may be risking my guy-card by sharing secrets about the inner workings of the subconscious male psyche, secrets that I myself wasn’t even aware of before this post topic began forming in my mind. If I’m banned from the monthly meetings for providing intel to the opposing side, the least you can do is learn something. I’m joking of course, it’s the quarterly meetings that don’t allow double-agents.

But First, a Little Setup

Several months back I was driving around the New Orleans area in a work truck while my customized, dashboard-beating Pandora station blasted through the speakers. There’s nothing like a soundtrack with a Breaking Benjamin foundation, infused by a shot of Within Temptation and a dash of Lacuna Coil to keep the creative mental juices flowing. It’s in situations like these that I do some of my best free thinking, as well as my most random.

On this particular afternoon I was, for some unknown reason, remembering a dinner outing with my wife. It was a common scenario where I had eaten my fill, but steadfastly refused to yield to the remaining portion on my plate. While my sweet wife did her best to save me from myself, urging me to stop and ask for a doggie bag for the excess, I was attempting to “power through” as had become something of a mantra over the last two or three years (much to her dismay… and my amusement). As I chuckled to myself over her reaction to my insistent, “I can power through”, I began to wonder why. Why was it so important to finish the meal? Why did it feel so demoralizing on a seemingly molecular level to throw in the white napkin of surrender? I instantly received my answer…

The Light Bulb

It was at that precise moment when I heard my buddy/co-worker, in his best imitation of our mutual co-worker/buddy, conclude the famous story with, “It’s a war zone out there!!!”

Like a brilliant flash of lightning tracing across the sky, my mind leapt into action, instantly connecting the dots that are many of my common behaviors with the one underlying, previously unknown and subconscious reason they share… it is indeed a war zone out there.

That remembered event was no mere date, no simple meal. Sure, I thought so at the time and so did my wife. What began as a basic evening, designed to satisfy both her desire for a romantic activity and my need sustenance, was in fact something else at a much deeper level. Despite the ambience and pleasure of getting out of the house for awhile, once the plate was set before me the challenge was engaged. The gauntlet was thrown down. I was suddenly, yet unknowingly a general, marshalling my forces for good in a war against evil. In defense of my land, my freedom and all else I hold dear. How could she ask me to simply surrender?

For Sparta! This far and no further! None shall pass!

As my mind continued to flood with past experiences, it only made more and more sense. After a long day of framing basement walls and that one 2x4 just wouldn’t take a nail, the first six attempts terminating only halfway in and successive strikes from the hammer only served to bend and twist the nail. Rather than removing the nail and trying a seventh, the command decision is made, orders given. The hammer keeps swinging until the end of the 2x4 becomes an unrecognizable, splintered mass which must now be freed from the wall and tossed aside. It seemed ridiculous, wasteful even if you think about it. Progress was halted and building materials lost, so why did it feel great? Just look at that 2x4… I won.

Everything from tile installation, roofing and drywall to completely different tasks like spreadsheets, driving… even video games are approached from the subconscious view of a battle, and with it the refusal to be beaten. And each time the tide begins to turn, that urge rears it’s ugly head. The urge to “push the big, red button”, to strike a decisive, absolute victory despite all the consequences and potential collateral damage.

Don’t Believe Me?

Just look at the men in your life. Have you ever seen your guy (husband, boyfriend, father, brother, etc.) start to use a wrench as a hammer on a part of the car that didn’t need fixing, all because he was tired of fighting a bolt that wouldn’t turn? Have you really looked into his eyes at that moment you suggest that maybe he should stop and call a professional plumber/mechanic/electrician? Ever notice how he seems to get just a little too much satisfaction from accomplishing even the simplest tasks? Think about it.

That guy zipping in and out of lanes on the freeway when traffic slows down? He’s trying to win. That foreman tossing his hardhat on the ground? His battle is going poorly. It’s everywhere.

Some of you may protest that your guy is different, more refined. I hate to break it to you ladies, but that is simply not true. It may occur when you’re not around. It’s likely that he is a better tactician, giving a little ground in the smaller battles while keeping an eye towards the larger war. But rest assured, within each man beats the heart of a warrior, fighting the day to day battles. Each man has his line drawn, where enough battles lost will result in creative, inventive cursing and a drastic change to his front line tactics.

So What’s the Point?

What have we learned? Is this the way the cave man compensates for being taken from his cave and shoe-horned into a cubicle, suit, home owner’s association, etc.? Is this information even useful? Can this knowledge be helpful to you, the women in our lives in recognizing and defusing the “big, red button” scenario? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know one thing. Telling the general to put down his fork because he is being silly is definitely not effective.

See you next time. Thanks for stopping by.

Five Years Later…

 

I know I promised you “It’s a War Zone Out There!” and don’t worry, it’s still coming. The last month leading up to my extradition from New Orleans was particularly hectic and stressful and I just couldn’t find the time to write. Besides, I think you’ll all agree after reading on, that this post should take priority.

September 16, 2006

That’s right cave dwellers, today marks the fifth anniversary of the day my wife and I vowed to spend the rest of our existence driving each other crazy… and we’ve both been doing a pretty good job! Those of you thinking today’s post was going to be focused on celebrating the Blu-ray release of the Star Wars Saga only get partial credit for your effort. Those of you who had no idea that Star Wars is out on Blu-ray today… there may be no hope for you.

Five years ago today I embarked on a never-ending quest to understand my wife. It’s amazing to me that you can learn enough about a person through dating that you realize you need to be with them always, and yet be reminded on a daily basis for years to come how little you really know about them. Granted, I have spent less than have of those years actually living with my wife due to my job (she recently quantified it as 27 out of 60 months), but the woman I proposed to back then is basically a complete stranger compared to the woman I’m currently married to, and I’m betting there are many more surprises yet to come.

For example, after a year of marriage, I awoke one morning at about 3AM to discover that the lights were on and the bed was being made with me in it! The details are fuzzy, my half-asleep brain only picked up the words, “These crooked sheets are making my legs ache! Hold still!” Now, fast forward to a little over a year ago when I was living in a hotel room outside of Louisville, sleeping in a bed that only required a quick tug of the covers to restore it to it’s “made” state… until she came to spend the weekend. I’ve learned it only takes her an hour to make my bed resemble the path of a tornado.

There have been countless such discoveries over the course of our short time as husband and wife. Only two or three weeks ago she was completely stumped by the phrase “Sweep the leg!” (really, you’ve never seen “The Karate Kid"?). Of course not all of the little revelations were of the “No Way!” variety, but the others don’t have the same comedic value. I’m sure she’s learned a thing or two about me that’s given her cause to shake her head in disbelief. When she picked me up at the airport upon my return from Louisiana, I’m sure she wasn’t expecting the shaved head and the goatee long enough to put in my mouth. Let me be clear, I’m not admitting to walking around with my beard in my mouth, that’s just a description to give you an idea of the length.

I don’t think there will ever come a day when I know all there is to know about my wife, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Not only have we learned volumes about each other, but we continue to learn more about ourselves. We’ve discovered and cultivated new interests and hobbies, separately and together as a couple. Over the last five years I’ve learned more about myself than I ever knew before, and I don’t think that would have been possible without her at my side. I can sincerely say that I like who I am. Because she has chosen to share her life with me I can enjoy… being me. I am better because she chooses me. 

Has It Really Been That Long?

As adults we are all too familiar with how time seems to pass faster as we age, but that never dulls the realization you feel when you see an older picture of yourself. It certainly doesn’t feel like it’s been five whole years. 



















It doesn’t quite add up until you start putting together all of the stuff you’ve done. Like that trip to Hawaii,

the Eagles/49ers game in San Francisco, major purchases made like the motorcycle, Mrs. B’s ever-growing skill as a photographer, bowling or other miscellaneous get-togethers, numerous holidays and birthdays, sight-seeing in new cities and endless variations of beard growth all serve as a reminder, not just of how much time has passed, but of how much life has been experienced and shared in our time together. There’s no better way to emphasize that than with a Photo Montage! Feel free to hum or sing your favorite, montage-appropriate song as we relive a few of the highlights pictured below.
    

 
Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? We sure have had a lot of great experiences over the last five years and I can’t wait to see what the next five bring.

What Have I Learned?

Gather ‘round everybody and let me impart to you a little of the wisdom I have gained thus far. And bear in mind, I do not consider myself a marriage expert by any means. Believe me when I say, the fact that we are still married and very much in love today says a lot more about how wonderful she is than it says about how easy I am to put up with.

I have learned that one of the worst possible phrases a husband can say to his wife is “I don’t care”. Calm down, lets work some context in there before you lynch me for being a monster. As was already mentioned in a previous post, my wife is free to do whatever she likes with every space of our home, the only exception being the Man-Cave. However she wants to arrange the furniture, whatever color she wants to paint the walls, anything that helps her define our living space as “our home” is fine by me, as long as it makes her happy. Sounds pretty good, right? And she loves adding all the little personal touches that reflect her creative personality, but because she is so considerate, she is always seeking my input. That’s when I say it, without thinking that it might carry a very different meaning to the ears of my sweet wife than it does to any of the male co-workers I am used to communicating with all day.

I do care. I care that she is happy in the place that is our home, but I simply… have no preference. Beyond wanting her to be proud of the home we maintain and being able to express herself, I just have no input. I struggle to find a more appropriate way to express that, and like a true caveman I blurt out, “I don’t care”.

Now that I think about it, we’ve had more than a few misunderstandings that begin with me using the very words that accurately define what I mean to say, while she deciphers the words I use to find the secret code I had no idea was there. In a nutshell, there is much to be gained and many arguments to be avoided by simply understanding that men and women generally communicate in fundamentally different ways. Please note that this is based on my limited experience, I have no desire to spark a gender war. I didn’t start the fire, it was always burning. That’s my advice, take it for what it’s worth.

The Big Day

Knowing that I am a very lucky man, you can bet I’ve put a lot of time and consideration into planning something special for the wonderful woman who continues to put up with me and loves me more everyday. What’s on the docket you ask? I’d tell you, but I’m sure she’ll be reading this only moments after posting. You wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise, would you?

To My Lovely Bride of Five Years

I love you with all of my heart Pinky! Thank you for a wonderful five years, I look forward to many, many more. I’ll see you soon.

Happy Anniversary Sweetness!!!